


First Snow

by heavy_cream



Category: Gamaran
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fantasy Feudal Japan, Feudal Japan, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Growing Up, Japanese Culture, M/M, Post-Canon, Samurai, Swordsman, Swordsmen, and it's super gay, but they touch hands, courting, hurt comfort, in feudal japan, nothing happens, with swords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavy_cream/pseuds/heavy_cream
Summary: “Good night, Naoyoshi-sama,” Gama said softly and walked away vanishing into the darkness. Naoyoshi took a deep breath, felt it rattle in his lungs, felt the tears well up in his eyes. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, hot with tears, his breath shuddering out. Not once since they had met, had Gama used that honorific on him, not once had he referred to Naoyoshi assama. The word, two small syllables, brought with them a terrible finality, and the gap, the distance Naoyoshi had become aware of that night, split wide open into a chasm.
Relationships: Kurogane Gama/Washitzu Naoyoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story about a ship that nobody has ever heard of, from a Manga that nobody read, for a fandom that doesn’t exist. If you read this you know you have my deepest thanks and sincerely hope you will leave a comment. I would also like to know how you came to this story. Were you searching for this ship? Did you just click through my works? I’m curious to know.
> 
> Woefully unbeaten. More notes at the end.

The wind blew over the vast expanse of the grass fields, creating waves of green over the endless rolling hills. The gentle swaying of the blades made the mountains feel like a living, breathing thing, that ebbed and flowed akin to a sigh.

Gama watched this gentle dance of nature and for the first time since he could remember, he felt at ease. The ache he had been carrying around between his shoulder blades is carried away with the soft breeze, and in its wake all that is left behind, is peace. 

He took a deep breath and looked across the rolling hills. He remembered the last time he’d been there, sitting on the rocks, the grass dark and sticky with the blood of his fellow Ogame style apprentices. He remembered Sousuke’s face as he lay there slaughtered and lifeless, his face soft and kind even in death.

Back then, he was too weak to save anybody, too weak to stand up to his father, and now that he is dead, he will never know if he is still too weak to defeat him.

He thought of Naoyoshi and something ugly curls in the pit of his stomach. He recognized the hurt but didn't quite understand it. He made it in time, he was strong enough if not to defeat his father, at least to save a friend.

A friend…

He looked beyond the horizon, let the cool autumn breeze take these feelings away and allowed himself to be emptied. 

"You know, you will have to talk to him at some point," Iori said somewhere to his right. Gama didn’t hear him get close, didn’t even sense him. 

"There is nothing to say." Gama replied without looking at his teacher. He had said all he had to say to Naoyoshi already. 

Iori looks at him, absently taking out his pipe, tapping off the burned tabaco. In the past year, Gama had grown into a formidable swordsman, was well on his way to become a formidable man, but even now as he sat motionless on a rock in the middle of the grass fields, Iori could still see the remnants of the small boy he had taken under his own wing and trained in the art of the sword. He tapped his index finger against his pipe and thought that perhaps he had been remiss in his education. Perhaps now, after Jin’s death, after overthrowing his plans of conquest, he could take some time to remedy that.

“In life, things are rarely black and white.”

Gama frowned and this time he did turn to watch Iori who was staring into the horizon. “What?” 

“The life of a swordsman is often short and rarely without peril, especially the kind of swordsman you want to be. For Jin, the sword was everything. It was above the school, his sensei, his students,” Iori turned to look at Gama directly then, his gaze almost frighteningly intense, “even his own son. And in the end he let the sword take everything from him. He lost sight of what he had and because of that, he lost it.”

Iori turned to gaze back at the horizon “We are taught that we need to learn how to die by the sword. But, if you want to deny his swordsmanship like you said you wanted, then you need to learn how to live by the sword, not just die by it,” Iori said. He too should heed his own advice, enough blood had been shed, perhaps it was time to start giving instead of taking.

Gama watched Iori for a moment, his words resonating deep within him. He looked at his own hand. The past six years he had been ready to die, had been willing to do so if it meant he could avenge his friends. Six years where all he did was train and fight, perpetually pursuing strength. He rubbed a thumb over the calluses on the palm of his hand, the physical reminder of those years of endless practice. He had turned his body into a weapon, perhaps, he had turned himself into that. He wondered if that’s what had happened to Jin as well, if this had been the beginning of the end for him.

Iori was right, he would never deny his father’s swordsmanship if he followed his exact path. But, he didn’t have to.

He watched the endless sea of grass sway and bend like a living breathing thing and let himself be filled.

***

“Naoyoshi, why don’t you stay here?” Kamedenbou asked and Naoyoshi felt his eyes fill with tears.

“Thank you, all of you,” Naoyoshi said, and then bowed. 

_Family_ he thought and felt his heart grow warm in his chest. How long had he longed for that? How long had he wanted to feel worthy of having that? He squeezed his eyes shut at that, his chest tight, his stomach in knots. It would be fine, wouldn’t it? If he stayed with them, if he stayed with Gama.

“That reminds me,” Yumeji said, interrupting him from his thought, “where are Gama and Iori?” 

“I’m here,” Iori said just then, rounding the corner of the courtyard and walking towards them in a lazy stroll.

“Iori! I thought you were with Gama?” Yumeji asked, subtlety looking around. Naoyoshi looked away from her.

“I was, he is still out in the fields. I came back to say my farewells.”

Both Senka and Mika stood up. “What!” They both exclaimed.

“You can’t be leaving already!” Mika complained.

“You just got here!” Senka added. 

“You sure you don’t want to stay a bit longer?” Kamedenbou asked and Iori shook his head.

“You know I’m no good at standing still.”

Kamedenbou sighed. “That much is true. Well then, the least we can do is give you a proper farewell,” he said and slapped his knee. “Senka, bring out some sake, it’s been a very long time since we all have been together and we should celebrate these precious moments.”

Mika and Senka both got up, bickering over who would do the cooking, who would serve the sake, Iori was calling Kamedenbou a sentimental old fool and the old sensei let out a raucous laugh. From the other side of the house, Naoyoshi could hear the sounds of training, wooden swords gliding through the air and Shinnojou shouting orders at them.

The dojo felt alive in a way that the castle never had.

***

The afternoon gave way to evening and Naoyoshi found himself involved in preparing what would eventually turn into a party. He was delighted to help air out the room and clean the tables they were going to use. To bring out cushions and help bring the food that Senka and Mika were preparing. Everyone helped in their own fashion, and Naoyoshi felt his cheeks grow warm with happiness. He had never once had to clean anything in his life but he had also never felt like he belonged either.

He was busy and it took him a while to notice when Gama finally came into the big room where everyone was already eating and drinking and laughing. 

“Oi, what’s going on here?” Gama asked, sounding slightly annoyed and Iori, who had stepped out for a moment, slapped his back as he walked back in.

“We are celebrating, come eat, I know Yumeji made some onigiri specially for you,” Iori said with a grin and sat back down. Gama gave him a glare but took his seat, carefully taking his _katana_ and _wakizashi_ out of his sash and placing them next to him. Naoyoshi had been serving sake and he stood up to go to Gama, happy to have seen him come in, but Gama didn’t look at him, didn’t acknowledge him at all. It was perhaps just for a heartbeat, where Naoyoshi hesitated, but it was enough for Zenmaru to sit down next to Gama and engage him in conversation immediately.

For the rest of the party, Naoyoshi couldn’t help thinking that it had been on purposes, that Gama had avoided him on purpose. He thought about the last few days. The escape from the castle had been chaotic, and they had split up in groups, by necessity rather than choice. Naoyoshi had fled guided by Manjirou out of the castle which had been overrun by the Shogunate agents. They had run through hallways filled with corpses, the floor sticky with blood and the smell of it heavy in the air so he could taste it every time he took a breath. He can’t remember what happened exactly, other than suddenly being out into the night and meeting up with Shinnoujou and Zenmaru. That very night they had left the village and hadn’t rested until they were secluded in the mountains.

They reconvened in groups, meeting up with Kamedenbou and Kashitarou the next day. They didn’t meet up with Iori and Gama until they had all made their way back to the dojo. Eight days had passed since then, and during that time, they hadn’t really talked. Naoyoshi had thought that things between them had been resolved now that the battle was over, but perhaps he was the only one who thought so, perhaps he was the only one who thought they were still friends.

He looked at Gama who was laughing at something Zenmaru and the Hyouga brothers were saying and he had never felt so far away from him, not even when he was locked away in a castle for a year.

He had lost Gama, without realizing he had.

“You are very quiet,” Shinnojou said suddenly sitting down next to Naoyoshi and startling him out of his thoughts. 

“Oh I apologize,” Naoyoshi bowed.

Shinnojou “Is there something on your mind?”

Naoyoshi looked at Gama and then glanced, shaking his head. “No, just, enjoying the liveliness.”

“I hope it’s not too much for you, they are a rowdy bunch.”

Naoyoshi smiled. “No, it feels very… homey, actually.”

Shinnojou nodded. “I heard Kamedenbou has invited you to stay.”

Naoyoshi nodded. “He has.”

“And will you?” Shinnojou asked and Naoyoshi was once again startled, when he looked over, Shinnojou was looking back at him in his intense and quiet way.

“I… I’m…” Naoyoshi started and trailed off, once again looking at Gama across the room. Should he stay? If Gama didn’t want anything to do with him, then surely he would be 

intruding, and this was his family after all, the last of what he had left. He was saved from giving an answer when Iori sat down next to Shinnojou to, apparently, get him into an argument. 

At some point of the night, Naoyoshi excused himself and left the room. Senka and Mika had been diligently filling his cup with sake and he wanted to leave before he made an absolute fool of himself. He stumbled along the corridor towards the dojo and right into Gama, who was leaning against one of the columns, facing towards the courtyard. Gama had turned his head at the noise and now there they were, alone, illuminated by only the full moon, and Naoyoshi didn’t know what to do. He was seized by the ridiculous impulse to run away. Or run towards Gama, he wasn’t sure. 

“Did you want something?” Gama asked when Naoyoshi just continued to stare and Naoyoshi shook his head.

“No, I just wanted some fresh air,” he said and still didn’t move. Gama kept looking at him.

“Are you just going to stand?” he asked and Naoyoshi swallowed thickly.

“I don’t want to intrude,” he said and Gama shrugged and looked back out into the courtyard.

“You are not,” he simply said and Naoyoshi had something close to a nervous breakdown then. He stood for a moment longer before finally he moved to sit down on Gama’s left side, far enough to not intrude, close enough to talk. Naoyoshi clasped his hands together, thumbs rubbing against each other anxiously. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what was really happening anymore, all he knew was that Gama had changed and that it was his fault but he had no idea how to make it right. 

In the end, it was Gama who broke the heavy silence between them.

“Iori says I need to talk to you.”

“O-oh?” Naoyoshi asked, relieved and nervous at the same time.

“But I have nothing to say to you,” Gama continued and the slight flicker of hope in Naoyoshi completely vanished.

“Oh…” Naoyoshi replied, his heart sinking into the pit of his stomach. It was worse than what he had thought, it was perhaps too late already, to salvage the relationship between them.

“Iori seems to think that, that’s a sign that I still have a lot to learn,” Gama continued, still looking out towards the courtyard and Naoyoshi looked at him confused.

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Yeah, me either,” Gama confessed. “I guess that means that Iori is right after all. I still have a long way to go.”

Naoyoshi smiled, he couldn’t help himself, amazed again by Gama and his resilience.

“I think you are an amazing swordsman, Gama,” he said sincerely and it was the first time that Gama turned to look at him.

“And yet I’m starting to think that there is more to life than just the sword,” he said steadily and Naoyoshi felt pinned by his look, somehow rooted in this moment and place. He didn’t answer, had no idea what to say to that, had no idea, what Gama was really trying to say with those words, with his eyes. The moment stretched into an eternity and then Gama stood up. 

“Good night, Naoyoshi-sama,” Gama said softly and walked away vanishing into the darkness. Naoyoshi took a deep breath, felt it rattle in his lungs, felt the tears well up in his eyes. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, hot with tears, his breath shuddering out. Not once since they had met, had Gama used that honorific on him, not once had he referred to Naoyoshi as _sama_. The word, two small syllables, brought with them a terrible finality, and the gap, the distance Naoyoshi had become aware of that night, split wide open into a chasm. 

Sitting there in the moonlight, facing the courtyard where just hours before he had experienced the happiest moment of his entire life, he was now experiencing the most agonizing heartbreak. He sat there until the sounds of distant laughter died away, until the night was so deep that there was nothing but silence, and wept until there was nothing left inside of him.

***

By the time Naoyoshi woke up the next day, Gama was gone. It’s Senka who is graciously serving him tea, who told him that both Gama and Iori had left at the break of dawn. He wanted to ask her if Gama had said something, if he was coming back soon, if he had left him a message, but he knew the answer to that already. He felt foolish and heartbroken and pathetic. This was all his fault and the worst part was that he had no idea how to fix it.

The days passed and he was listless and restless. He allowed Shinnojou to rope him into training with the Hyouga brothers and he appreciated the ache it brought to his muscles. After days of feeling numb, the pain was a respite. But even so, the heaviness of his heart didn’t disappear and he can’t seem to differentiate between his waking hours and his sleeping ones. 

Zenmaru left three days after Gama and Iori hadd, and two days after that Arata bid them farewell as well. Naoyoshi was the only one still at the dojo, feeling like an outsider, like an intruder, like an impostor. He spent his afternoons sitting in the courtyard, staring at nothing, feeling the ghost of Gama next to him. 

It felt, a bit, like dying.

He hated it. He remembered Kamedenbou’s words, that he owed it to both Ranmaru and Gama to live, but he had no idea how to do that, had no idea how to find his way back. Naoyoshi didn’t know what to do, but he knew for sure that there wasn’t a place for him anymore at the Ogame school. Determined and with a heavy heart, he looked for Kamendenbou and found him in one of the rooms, writing.

“Kamedenbou,” Naoyoshi started and then trailed off, not knowing how to put into words the feelings that were choking him.

Kamedenbou gave him a steady look and with a sigh put down the brush he was holding.

“You are leaving then,” he simply said and Naoyoshi jerked surprised. 

“I think that would be for the best,” Naoyoshi said, carefully looking at his hands on his lap.

“Where will you go?” Kamedenbou asked.

“To the north, I have family there,” he lied. He had nobody left. He was alone.

“I would have thought that after everything we have been through, there would be no lies between us,” Kamedenbou chided and Naoyoshi felt the weight of his failure once more. It seemed that no matter what he did, what he said, it was always the wrong thing. 

Kamedenbou sighed and then stood up and walked to a small chest in the room. He came back with a small bag, and handed it over to Naoyoshi who looked at it puzzled.

“What is this?”

“Money.”

Naoyoshi shook his head furiously, bowed and offered it back. "I can't take it, please, you have been so generous already."

“Oh be quiet, it’s not my money.”

Naoyoshi lifted his head, the small purse still clasped in his two hands. “What?”

Kamedenbou handed him an envelope. “Before he left, Iori gave me this and asked me to give this to you if you decided to leave. He would like for you to deliver something to a friend of his.”

“Deliver something?” Naoyoshi asked, feeling even more confused but accepting the envelope regardless.

“Yes, that letter is to a friend of his in Bizen, to the west. It’s a week worth of travel away and in a completely different direction.” 

Naoyoshi couldn't let the feeling go that he was somehow being played, but even so he was glad, glad to have a clear goal now, glad to have a mission. Perhaps, that had been Iori's intention in the first place.

"I will ensure this will get delivered then." 

Kamedenbou nodded. "Good. You should leave tomorrow if you want to avoid the first snow."

Naoyoshi nodded, holding both the letter and the purse close to his chest, feeling as if they were the only thing keeping him tethered to the real world.

When Naoyoshi left the next morning he did so without looking back. He still didn’t know what he was going to do, he still had no goal in his life. But for now at least, he had a mission, and later he would see where the road would take him and he hoped, in the deepest of his heart, that it would eventually, maybe, some day, lead him back to Juuren village, back to Gama.

***

_Five Years Later_

Snow was falling in thick flakes, covering Juuren village in a heavy blanket that glittered in the soft morning snow. Up on the summit, Gama stepped out of the cave and into the snow. Winter made the already desolate mountain seem almost preternaturally quiet. He took a deep breath, the cold air waking him up and usually he would feel a sense of calm but the last few months…

The first time Gama had seen Iori in almost four years had been last fall. He had showed up on the summit out of nowhere, grinning and being his usual insufferable self. He didn’t stay long, just enough to beat Gama in combat and then to give him a letter. A letter that had only said: wait for me in Juuren village, I’ll be there before the first snow.

Gama lifted his head, snow falling on his face. 

He had waited, of course he had. The first snow had fallen almost two months ago. Winter was coming to an end already. 

And still he waited.

Gama unsheathed his sword and took a deep breath, clearing his mind, he focused on his stance and began with the first _kata_.

***

"Do I really have to be there?" Kashitarou whined for the tenth time on their trek down the mountain.

"Yes, it's _Omizutori_ , everyone has gathered and prepared a meal for us. Stop being ungrateful."

"But it's so coooold,” Kashitarou complained even as he was covered in layers and layers of clothing and a straw hat, so that the only thing visible were his glasses. It hadn’t snowed for some days already but the skies were clouded and Gama imagined that Winter wouldn’t leave without one final storm. 

"It's cold because you don't hurry up, we should have been back an hour ago," Gama said over his shoulder but the dojo was already in sight. He subtly picked up the pace.

"Why do I have to be there in the first place."

"Cause you are family," Gama replied slightly exasperated and pushed Kashitarou through the gates. Although he wouldn’t say it out loud, he was done with the snow as well, feeling like he had been cold for years at this point, like it had seeped beneath his skin and straight into his marrow. They could hear the voices and laughter coming from the big room in the back and they crossed the courtyard to get there.

"See, everyone started without us because you took so long," Gama chided as they took off their snowy _waraji_. Game slid open the door and pushed Kashitarou into the room where, sure enough, everyone else had already assembled and the celebration was well on its way. The room was warm and filled with people. Senka and Mika serving sake, Shinnojou and Kamedenbou were into some sort of deep discussion. The Hyouga brothers were undergoing some sort of game with Zenmaru and Yumeji was clearly egging them on. And there on the opposite of the room was Iori and-

Gama froze.

"Oi you are finally here you two," Iori shouted, but Gama paid little attention to him, focused instead entirely on the man standing next to him. He was taller now, almost as tall as Iori himself, and just as broad. His hair was longer, long brown waves framing his face which had lost the softness of youth and left behind the sharp angle of a jaw, the prominent cheekbones. Age had pronounced the slant of his eyes and even though his skin seemed weathered, the unmistakable delicate features of the son of a noble man seemed even more apparent now.

"Naoyoshi," Gama said, his mouth forming the name almost without his permission and his mind went completely blank. Even though he had spent the last two months waiting on him, had been ever since he had gotten the letter, and yet he was completely and utterly unprepared to face him.

“Gama,” Naoyoshi greeted him, his mouth curling into a soft, almost shy smile, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "It's good to see you again, Gama," Naoyoshi answered formally, bowing slightly and Gama didn’t know what to do, the last time they had seen each other was years ago, back when he had still felt... and now he was standing here, grown and confident and Gama couldn’t tell if the distance between had widened or shortened. 

"Gama, close the door, you are letting all the cold air come in," Senka complained and just like that the moment was broken. Gama felt as if all the noise came back all at once and it was disorienting for a moment. He took a seat near the door, watched as the room came alive with people and laughter and talking and yet his eyes kept going back to Naoyoshi. Gama watched him as he carefully knelt down and accepted the sake that Mika had offered. Watched him as he engaged in polite conversation, his mouth curved softly in mirth, the slope of his shoulders relaxed. He was different, Gama noticed, beyond just the signs of age. There was an air of confidence and calmness that hadn’t been there before. What had he been doing the past five years? Where had he gone to? How come he kept in touch with Iori but not…

Shinnojou sat down next to Gama just then, and Gama was grateful for the respite from his own thoughts, his own mind. He looked away from Naoyoshi and promised himself he wouldn’t seek him out again.

***

It was late by the time Gama decided he needed to get away from the noise. Over the past five years he had spent most of the time on his own, and even now that he had returned, he had gotten used to the quiet of the summit. Kashitarou was more often than not absorbed in his research, visitors were sparse and far in between. Gama thought he was more suited to the quiet than anything else.

He had moved to sit in the room that faced the courtyard. It had started to snow but inside it was still warm enough to be comfortable. When he heard footsteps coming from the corridor behind him he turned around, and wasn’t surprised to see Naoyoshi standing there.

“May I come in?” He asked softly and Gama nodded. Naoyoshi stepped inside carrying a long, cloth-wrapped box. Carefully, he knelt down next to Gama, as ceremonious and graceful as he had always been and Gama watched him as he moved. Elegant and controlled, his movements devoid of wastefulness, just on smooth movement going from standing to kneeling to his side.

"Gama," Naoyoshi started and then stopped, just looking at Gama quietly. And suddenly Gama felt as if time hadn’t passed at all, as if they had remained on that corridor like they had five years ago, words they couldn’t utter between, feelings they couldn’t define. It was as if time had snapped and this wasn’t a reunion as much as it was a continuation of a conversation they had started five years ago and were just now finishing.

"Why-" Gama started and then stopped. What did he want to say? Why did you leave? Why did you come back? Why didn't you write? Why didn't you tell me where you were? Why did it take you so long to _come back_?

Naoyoshi looked towards the courtyard, the cords in his neck standing out starkly in the cold light and Gama was once again reminded that this man was not the boy he'd known five years ago. He kept his eyes towards the courtyard, as if lost in thought for a moment, before focusing again in Gama.

"It's really very good to see you again, my friend," Naoyoshi finally said and the smile that softened his face showed the sincerity of his words. Gama felt his throat grow tight.

"You said you'd be here before the first snow," Gama replied instead, not even sure where he was going with it, and Naoyoshi nodded apologetically.

"I know, I am sorry for my delay but, I miscalculated the scope of my work," he answered simply and then picked up the long rectangular box he had brought in earlier and placed it right in front of him. Gama turned and watched Naoyoshi unknot the fabric.

"What is this?" Gama asked.

"A gift for you, my friend, and incidentally the reason I was delayed," Naoyoshi replied, revealing a sleek wooden case. He lifted the top of the box with the same careful movements he had been using before and set it aside. Inside of the case lay a beautifully black lacquered _katana_. He picked it up almost reverently and carefully offered it to Gama.

Gama turned to fully face him and took the sword in his hands. Habit had him unsheathing it, and he carefully slid out the blade, the metal gleaming brightly with the light of the lamp.

“For the past five years I have been in Bizen, apprenticing under Naotsuna-sensei. This is Lightning’s Edge.” Naoyoshi continued. “Forged from the finest _tamahagane_ in the west. For three days and three nights I was there, stoking the fires for the _tatara_ alongside the sensei. We picked the finest _masa satetsu_ available. I myself added the charcoal into the bed of fire. I didn’t want to just _forge_ a _Katana_ for you. I wanted to completely _make_ one.”

“For me?” Gama asked confused and overwhelmed the sword still held reverently in his hands.

Naoyoshi looked at him seriously. “Before you, I was nothing,” he said and Gama looked up. “Before you, I was nothing”, he repeated. “My mother hated me. My father thought of me as a mistake. My brother’s wanted me killed. I was nothing to them. I was _made_ nothing by them. And while in the deepest of my despair, I met you,” he said and smiled and Gama felt something heavy curl in his belly. 

“I met you and you made me into something. For the first time in my life, I had a friend. For the first time there was someone who would fight for me, who thought I was worthy of that. Who thought that my life was something worth saving,” Naoyoshi lowered his head, his hands curled into fists. 

“Naoyoshi-san,” Gama started but Naoyoshi shook his head. 

“Please, let me say to you these things I couldn’t say five years ago.” Naoyoshi folded his hands together in his lap and took a deep breath to compose himself. “When I was captured and I was offered the position of _daimyō_ I didn’t know what to do. If I said no, both me and my mother would have been killed, and if I said yes, I would become your enemy. I couldn’t choose, how could I if at each end of the scale where those who mattered to me the most.”

Naoyoshi trailed off and watched the snow fall. “And then, Ranmaru passed along Iori’s message. Iori said I should accept because in one year you would come to rescue me.” Naoyoshi looked back at Gama. “Even while I was being held prisoner. Even though I knew that each day could be my last, I had never been happier than knowing you were coming for me. Fighting to stay alive was worth it because I knew that in the end, you would find me. That was the one thought I held on to during that year, knowing that I would get to see you again.”

Naoyoshi’s eyes closed then. “To this day I regret what happened five years ago. I hurt you terribly when I asked you to spare Ranmaru’s life. I won’t make excuses for him, he was on the wrong side of the war, but neither will I take back what I said back then.” Naoyoshi looked back up, his look determined, steeled. “He was my friend. He saved my life over and over again, and even though it is undeniable that it was you who saved me, it is just as undeniable that if it weren’t for Ranmaru, I wouldn’t have made it to the year. 

He took a deep breath, his shoulders which had gone taut, relaxed as he exhaled. “However, I do want to apologize if back then my words seemed dismissive of your efforts. I know you risked your life over and over to keep your promise to me. Forgive me, my friend, it was never my intent to hurt you.”

Naoyoshi leaned forward until his forehead touched the floor and Gama clutched the sword in his hands, afraid of what he would do if he let go.

“Please,” Gama started, “please don’t- you don’t have to bow, I’m- I am your retainer, you don’t bow to me,” Gama said, his voice somehow shakey with emotions, his tongue feeling clumsy in his mouth. He was out of his depth. He didn’t know this Naoyoshi, not really. He hadn’t thought about that day ever again. And yet perhaps there was some truth behind it all, because for the first time since he could remember, he felt the chill leave his bones, felt a warmth start low in his belly and spread through. 

Naoyoshi slowly lifted his head. “You are not my retainer, Gama. I am not your lord, nor do I wish to be it,” Naoyoshi said and then almost shyly asked, “but perhaps, if you would allow, I would very much like to be your friend,” he added softly, leaning forward and tilting his head to a side so that his hair cascaded over one shoulder. 

Gama felt his face grow hot, confused by his feelings, his reaction. The warmth had spread to the very tips of his fingers, his heart was galloping in his chest, his stomach was doing a slow turn in his belly. He noticed they were close enough that he could see Naoyoshi’s eyelashes, fanning over his cheeks.

“Naoyoshi,” he said and swallowed, “we never stopped being friends,” Gama replied and even though he was saying some words he felt as if he was talking about something else entirely. His face felt hot, his hands felt clammy, and then Naoyoshi slowly smiled, truly and wide so it brightened his entire face and Gama felt as though the midst of Winter, Spring had finally come.

“I am glad I wasn’t too late then,” Naoyoshi replied, still close, still smiling. 

Gama held out the sword. “This is a beautiful sword, but you don’t have to give me anything,” he said offering the _katana_ back. Naoyoshi reached out and then carefully took Lightning’s Edge from Gama’s hands. 

“You saved me when I didn't believe I was worthy of it, you fought for me when no one else did, you gave me the family I never had, a future that I never thought I would see, a life that I didn’t think I deserved. What you have given me... there is no measure for it," Naoyoshi explained and gently placed the katana in the wooden box again. 

"My craftsmanship, it is not yet worthy of someone of your skill, but I will devote my life to acquire the ability I need to make something worthy of you," Naoyoshi said, fiercely committed and Gama felt his heart jump into his throat. He couldn't understand why those words made him feel the way he did, why they were so close and yet he still wanted to be closer, why he couldn’t stop thinking about how lonely he had been the past five years after all. "I will gladly devote my life to you, as long as it means that I can stay by your side."

“Please, Gama, accept me wholly,” Naoyoshi asked softly, his hands on the wooden box, his eyes searching for his, and Gama came undone. He leaned forward too, reaching out to carefully place his hand on the wood, his fingers hesitant as they first touched the case and then slowly, shyly, touched Naoyoshi’s hand. He was asking a question, he didn’t know which one, but when Naoyoshi turned his hand to slide his fingers against Gama’s, Gama knew he’d found an answer. Gama nodded and grasped Naoyoshi’s hand tightly.

Five years ago Gama had thought that he had thought that their story had ended amidst the ruins of the castle. Now, kneeling face to face, so close that their foreheads brushed, on the same _tatami_ where they had said goodbye before, Gama thought that perhaps he had been wrong all along. Perhaps, their story hadn’t been ending but rather, was barely just beginning. 

He looked at their joined hands, at the promise between them, and let himself begin.

**Author's Note:**

> Seven years ago I read Gamaran and was absolutely unprepared for the amount of _ho-yay_ I ended up finding in it, especially for a shonen, martial arts manga. The fact that the dynamic between Gama and Naoyoshi was just _completely un-fucking-resolved_ drove me to write this story in the first place. As per usual, I never finished it back then and it was left forgotten in my WIP folder.
> 
> Now, thanks to the frankly bizarre times we are currently going through, I had enough time to re-read the manga and to finish this story. I have no idea what my original intent with this was, but I am surprisingly pleased with how this story turned out. There was no sex (I am shocked by this too), and a lot of angst and feelings. In my defense, the two idiots spend 188 chapters just frigging _pining_ for each other, with Gama at death doors multiple times to save the kidnapped princess, aka Naoyoshi, only for their relationship to not get resolved in the end. I can't be held accountable, something had to be done. Fuck this manga for blueballing me so much, have a story about it. 
> 
> Although there are no actual romantic overtures in this story, it is still marked as a M/M story because the love and devotion to each other is quite frankly the stuff of soulmates. So please take into consideration that although fantasy, it is still set in feudal Japan, and that the hand-holding is akin to them getting married. I can't fathom to even begin writing a sex scene and I don't want to spend another day researching what realistic gay sex would have looked like in feudal Japan, I already went down a rabbit hole research swordsmithing and now am in possession of a truly disturbing amount of knowledge regarding ancient Japanese blacksmithing.
> 
> Anyway, I think I have finally gotten this out of my system so I can now continue working on yet another fanfic for another obscure anime that nobody has seen. *thumbs up*
> 
> Thanks for reading, honestly. I really appreciate it since the worst of it all is that this is one of my favorite things I have ever written.
> 
> ♥


End file.
